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Monday, February 1st, 2010

Time:5:10 am.
Oh LJ, I'm sorry. I treat you terribly. So much neglect.

So what's up kids?

Not much on this front. Still living in Lebanon, still jobless. Still bored. The only thing I can really say is thank god for my friends. Despite my bitching, I've come to appreciate living here much more in recent months. After visiting my parents house, I've realized how awful that place really is to live in. It's basically a brick death trap. I feel awful, I wish there was anything I could do to get them out of there. But as it stands I can't get myself a part time job flipping burgers. Eff.

I guess that's enough for complaining. It's boring. On the non-whiny side I've trained myself to enjoy the housewife shenanigans that are now my daily life. I've also begun to go out with the gang of gays more often. It's nice to have a group of completely gay friends. I can talk about women without getting the "ew" face from my straight female friends, or the "oooooh" face from my straight male friends. They're also much more obnoxious and hilarious.

I guess that's all for now. Five in the morning? No sleep? Laundry time!
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Time:5:35 am.
What's goin' on?

Bleehhhh.  This whole not having a job thing really isn't working out for me.  I'm just getting progessively lazier.  Which is a problem.

Antonio woke me up to go to the street fair with him.  Good times...kind of?  Alcoholic wind chimes, capri sun purses, and crosses taking naps.  There was also a man talking about how the Reagan years were the greatest ever.  I don't like you sir.  We got lunch and came home.  Following which I slept for-fucking-ever. It was awful.  I really need to stop that.

Now I'm just bored. I was watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but now I'm antsy.  I should really be in bed.  Someone suggest lucrative career opportunities that don't involve much effort.  Because if that exists in this world I want to know about it immediately.

Good night all.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Subject:We'll chalk this up as one of my more embarassing weeks.
Time:11:54 am.
So that whole bit last time about me being clean and sober?  Shattered that malarky this week.  Not too horribly, but enough to thuroughly embarass myself twice within a few days.

Sunday:  Apparently while I slept saturday night my room mates decided sunday was drinking day. Wanting me to participate they bought me a bottle of Southern Comfort.   Those tricky bastards!  Well it was an absolutely ridiculous night, fun though.  From the few bits I remember and what people told me I did.  I was pretty much in black out mode by ten.  From what I've heard I was absolutely horrible.  Couldn't stand, speak, or really look at anyone straight.  I apparently got married to and macked it with Timmy.  Something I was more than a bit embarassed about.  But that's life.  Sometimes you have to humiliate yourself to have a good time.  I'll take that deal.  I also woke up with massive bruises from sliding and falling everywhere.  I then had to clean out the tub that Chad and I puked in, which right after we did it I thought it would be a brilliant idea to somehow wipe our tub down with a paint roller that was chilling in our bathroom?  Not a good idea, as it turns out.  But you live and you learn.

Last night however was adderall time.  Given my past history with amphetamines, not my brightest of ideas, but fuck it I was bored.  It was a night for Samm to be completely out of character.  I wasn't even paying attention to the dose of the pills, something I'm always very conscious of.  So I couldn't tell you how much I took.  I snorted 1 3/4 pills.  I felt pretty nice.  I got jittery and energetic and horribly horribly talkative.  So I decided to have someone give me a cotton shot.  Bear in mind,  even at my worst, times with coke shooting up was not something I did more than once in a blue moon.  It was also a very bad idea.  Tried it in the crook of my arm, nothing.  Finally got it in my left wrist, although it's still insanely swollen and bruised, eight hours later.  I then decided I was not finished for the night.  So, since four of us bought two to three pills each I took a small amount of one person's, then scraped everyone's excess, then scraped the table and threw all of it into another cotton shot.  It was my left arm's turn to be a pin cushion.  Crook of the arm, again failure.  Left wrist, big failure followed by more swelling and bruising.  Back of the hand, nada.  We FINALLY found a spot in my right foot.  Odd, yes, but it finally worked.  All of this, bear in mind, and the person popping me is a pro.  Not giving that any connotations of being a good thing, if whoever's reading this doesn't like drug use.  I'm just saying, the girl has never missed, never had a problem.  But I have ridiculously tiny veins, so phooey.  My left arm is also rocking some very odd, very hard to explain, very explosive bruises from tying up.  It was so strange, I didn't feel any pain but I'll be damned if it didn't destroy my arm.   So once I was done with the process of getting it in my system, I proceeded to destroy myself as a person.  Fo'rillz, HOT MESS.  I could not stop moving or talking.  Colin and I spoke for hours about NOTHING.  While Chad and Allison just kind of chilled.  I also for some reason at the peak of my high decided to become an emotional nightmare.  I still feel horrible.  Carlos was feeling kind of crappy, so I went into the living room to ask him what was wrong.  Ended up curled up with this kid, bawling my eyes out, bitching about everything horrible that's happened in my life.  Literally, everything.  From Mike and Dutch dying, to my disasterous relationship with Jon.  To how awful I feel about living here without a job.  To my father, fo'rillz.  I think there was a thirteen year old cutter living inside me and adderall released the beast.  The real bitch of it was, the entire time I was doing this, I knew what I was doing.  I knew I was being a selfish cunt, and that I was probably annoying the holy fuck out of him, and that the whole thing was straight up ridiculous.  I could not get myself to stop.  I tried so fucking hard, but my mouth had zero interest in listening.  I hated myself and was embarassed with every word that came tumbling out.  Go me.  So finally, I realized that if I returned to the dining room, around happy people, I would probably stop targeting poor Carlos and find another topic of conversation to distract my silly ass.  Which I did.  I parked my fat ass at that table and didn't move for hours.  I just kept rolling packs of cigarettes and chainsmoking like a motherfucker.  Which I'm still doing now, waiting to come down so I can go to bed.  We rambled about everything that popped into our heads.  That part of the night was great.  Feeling all jittery and just everyone babbling forever.  Although I think I've smoked at least fifty cigarettes without exageration thus far.  The only bad part outside of making a damn fool of myself was towards 8 a.m. I started to get horible pains in my stomach.  I wasn't sure what it was, so I ate cereal thinking it might just be lack of food, which blew.  I wanted nothing to do with solid foods.  I had been pushing fluids all night to avoid dehydration but food was a much bigger problem.  I forced most of it down, to no avail.  At one point it started to feel like my ab muscles were tearing apart.  So I took some naproxen, which did the trick.  But I still can not come down at all.  I'm jittery and shaky and now everyone is either at work or in bed so I'm left to my own devices.  I googled what would be best to help me, and I guess taking sleeping pills would work, according to the magical intarwebz, but I haven't gotten to it yet.  At one point I did become quite paranoid.  I was just agitated because I couldn't sit still or sleep which led to me somehow convincing myself that when the wrists did not work out, I somehow blew the veins?  I don't knoiw.  I know I didn't, but for a good twenty minutes, I was horrified.  I'm also having chills and hot flashes, which is lamesville.  I just want to sleeep.  I also can't stop having to pee like a race horse.  I do not enjoy it.  I'm kind of feeling like a crackhead at this point.  I'm just going to let my money ride on sleeping pills.  Here's to hoping!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

Subject:Black by unpopular demand.
Time:3:39 am.
I am alive.  It's true.  I swear.

I've just been in an internet-less vortex for two years or so.  It was pretty lame.  But now I have a connection and remembered....the internet is not so exciting. 

Not a whole lot goes on.  I moved to Lebanon with some crackheads.  It's entertaining.  I am hunting jobs, and bringing back no kills. 

I'm sure there's been relationships and whatnot since I last used this thing...but two years is a bit too much to try to recall.

I am completely clean and sober though, I kind of enjoy that fact. 

My middle neice just started kindergarden, and I'm convinced I am waaay more excited about that fact than she is.  But I truly don't care.  She has entirely matching bookbag/pencil case/school supplies.  I had a strange mother moment about that fact and now declare it the most adorable thing on this fucking planet, yeah, fuck you pandas.

I'm sick as all fuck.  It's swine flu, I know it, I'm web md-ing that shit as soon as I'm done here.

Which I think I am.

I love you all.  And will actually update from now on.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

Time:4:57 pm.
This journal is dying at an incredible rate.
Not much in my life.
Went to Bamboozle had an incredible time. 
Going on vacation with my brother to OBX, for a week.
Seeing Alkaline Trio at warped tour in Jersey.

Other than that it's just friends, and babysitting, and local shows.  It's good times.
Besides my tooth spontaneously EXPLODING.  I really don't know why, but I have a dental appointment tomorrow to either have it ripped out or capped.  We shall see.

Much love kiddies.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, March 9th, 2007

Subject:Holy shit another update. You should read it, you've nothing better to do.
Time:5:35 am.
Mood: blah.
So yesterday was a big pile of shit on a platter.
Rosetta called the police so Sara couldn't have her kids.  Rosetta came here and I had to threaten police action to get her to leave.  Okay, so threatening her was actually fun.  A lot of fun.  Crazy bitch.   My sister stole my cigarettes.  Which is a much bigger deal when you first wake up and you're dying for one, and realize an entire pack has been taken by your whore of a sister.  One of the heaters melted itself.  I don't know how it happened.  But it's a circular one, and the base is plastic, and there's a big dip by the metal part that emits the heat.  Oh yeah I guess I didn't mention our house is void of heat.  We're too broke to pay for oil, so we survive on those propane heaters, and little electric ones.  It doesn't work considering our house is large and incredibly drafty. Someone is suing my father for fucking up their roof.  As soon as I heard that I called bullshit from the dig, my father has never messed up a roof.  AND the bullshit story the guy told my father about the ceiling collapsing on his wife, he told to Chris [my father's employee] BEFORE they did the roof.  Nine god-damn months ago.  People will do anything to get money, it's disgusting and pathetic. Also, when he called my father to complain, and my father showed up the guy was up on his roof messing with it.  Haha, you asshat, once you touched that roof my father is no longer responsible because you can't prove it wasn't your messing with it that ruined it.  But the one redeeming part of that suckfest was that my father's Gibson SG that we put on ebay went for over 1400 bucks.  Kick-ass amirite? 

But on the brighter side.  I went to see Scissor Sisters last friday at the Electric Factory in Philly.  So much fun.  I love every concert I go to, but they're mostly dominated by teens, and teenagers, as we all know, are generally dickheads.  This crowd was mostly twenty and up and pretty much void of douchebaggery.  It was just a lot of fun to DANCE at a concert, not elbow people in the stomach to try and maintain a decent vantage point of the stage.  The only bad part about it was their opening act, wigs on sticks.  Exactly what it sounds like.  Three wigs, on three sticks.  And they played recordings of all these fifties girl groups singing.  Cute for the first two songs maybe, but they did an entire half hour set.  Blow my brains out, please.  But the DJ they had before that was good.  Scissor Sister's themselves kicked ass.  It's such a high-energy show, I loved it.   After the show my brother got us a hotel room at the Courtyard Marriot.  I stayed there while he went out to drink with some guy he met at the show.  My brother bitched, but I thought it was a nice hotel.  Of course I've only ever stayed in super-shitty hotels so my judgement is impaired.  While sitting outside to smoke a cigarette this guy sits down next to me.  We begin to talk, he complains about the vallet, and having to come outside to smoke etc.  Then he starts trying to get me to leave with him, then to invite him up to my room, then to give him my number, then when he finally leaves he tells me his room number and says to check him out later.  Bear in mind he was aware that I was seventeen, ten years younger than him, and he would not let up.  It was amusing though, so whatevs.  After that a homeless man "bought" a cigarette from me for a bunch of pennies and a nickel.  I didn't even know what was going on, I thought he asked to bum one, then he shoves all this change in my hand. 

It's six a.m.  I should have gone to bed a few hours ago.  I truly am tired.  But every time I lay down my brain goes "Hai I'm going to process thirty four thoughts a minute making it impossible for you to rest.  Suck on that motherfucker."
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007

Subject:Sick and muddy, everybody!
Time:12:42 pm.


Damn LJ, why do I neglect you so?

Not a whole lot has happened.  I dropped out of school, I'm going to do homeschooling.  I'm actually quite concerned because my mother has to do everything and she's irresponsible beyond belief.  It doesn't directly affect her so the chances of her doing everything without my constantly annoying her is slim to none.  It's actually starting to make me really nervous, it's been three months since I've attended school and nothing has happened in the area of homeschooling.  I would very much like to not have to take an entire semester over again just because my mother is lazy.  Because she didn't have me officially removed from school, so three months worth of F's are accumulating that I will have to deal with.  So I may end up taking the whole year over.  That thought makes me want to kill something.

So my days are spent around the house, accomplishing nothing.  Then I go to the Hearth on Saturday with everyone who shows up.  It's an exciting life, indeed.

My family is a good two weeks away from killing eachother.  My father stopped working, and is too proud to get disability, so we're relying on my mother's income....from Wal Mart.  In addition to not giving a fuck about the fact that his pride is uselss when it comes to feeding and paying bills for his family, he's incredibly angry at everyone...all the time.  I generally get the worst of it because I'm the big dumbass that doesn't avoid him like the plague.  My mother and sister have caught on.  And to make everything even better, my nineteen month old neice, Juliana, is in the hospital with pnuemonia.  Of course my sister hasn't changed.  She's lying around the house, completely ignoring her children when they're here, going out, fucking anything that will buy her a beer.  It must be a nice life.  I'd love to be twenty-three with absolutely no prospects for my future, yet be able to fuck over anyone that tries to help me,steal form friends and family,  and remain a selfish bitch without concern for anyone.  It's a real talent, I must say.  The lack of conscience is astounding.  I really would like to kick her until she died, most of the time.  When she's not speaking I don't wish death.

That's about all I have for bitching.  I'm going to see Scissor Sisters with my brother in March.  Should be interesting. 

Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, January 28th, 2007

Subject:From Abbey
Time:6:22 pm.
01. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
02. I respond by asking you five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.
03. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My answers:
2. Where do you come up with these names? XD
3. What's with the username?
4. What bands are you really into now? You're good with music. I need inspiration.
5. Ever heard of Dir en grey? 8D

1.  Cuz you gotta face like a ho.
2.  I honestly have no idea.  They get much much worse than ho-face.
3. I needed a new journal and I was listening to Made for TV Movie by Incubus while thinking of the name.
4. Umm.  The Kazoo Funk Orchestra, Bomb the music industry, Country Club and the Porn Horns, The Glass, MSI, Leftover Crack, Propagandhi.  Tons more.  But there you be.
5.  Ya.  I haven't really listened to them a whooole lot, but I know of zem.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, December 25th, 2006

Subject:Bored during the holiday's.
Time:7:49 pm.

I really feel like making some kandi, who wants?  Give me your address and what you want.


Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, November 7th, 2006

Subject:Long time no chatspeak.
Time:9:56 pm.
Mood: awake.
My REAL computer took a shit so now I use a windows lap top that induces feelings of hostile death.

Shit happens.

School is rather bleh.  Nothing tremendously exciting.  I have the strangest teachers ever, but it makes class amusing, if not more interesting.  I have also reached a new record.  Most fantastic rumors spread about me in one half semester.  Did you know; I have cancer, I have a brain tumor, I'm pregant by three different people, I give blow jobs in the new school building when it's unsupervised for ten dollars, I'm  heroin junkie,  AND I lit someone's house on fire.  I was one busy bee according to the deep regions of imagination these people posess.
But on the other hand.
I've corrupted another poor innocent honor roll student.  Nothing serious, just weed and a new smoking addiction.  You would never have guessed it was something so insignificant form the reaction it provoked from our peers.  But in two weeks she'll be a lesbian, and they'll REALLY have something to talk about. Don't worry.  This is why parents put the kibosh on their children being near me.  I think for myself and if I cared less about ....ANYTHING... my brain would atrophy.  Re-reading those two thoughts are not at all coherent, but I think you chillunz are bright enough to pick up on the meaning.  I'm a lassiez-faire free thinker.  Something.  Oh fuck it.

Someone jacked three hundred dollars out of my bedroom.  So no one gets gifts this year for JesusChristmas.  Just hot sex.   Which you were going to get anyways, in addition to the materialistic wants this holiday feeds on, but you can still be appreciative.  Face it, you want me inside you.

That's about all.

Later lovelies.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

Time:6:58 pm.
Mood: artistic.

Come tomorrow I will have completed the second week of school.  It's not bad.  I have done a complete one-eighty with the friends I hang out with.  Mostly due to having classes with people I like.  I dig it.

Party this saturday,  then Heads, PaPizzle, and I are going to the movies and then to chill at The Hearth until wee hours of the morning.  Quarter machine bling is where it's at.

So.  How is YOUR life?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, September 1st, 2006

Time:6:32 pm.
Mood: cold.
Go here, [ http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 ] page through the quotations look until you find five (5) that you think reflect who you are or what you believe. Repost in your journal and tag five friends.

Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery.  - Lawana Blackwell

It is always the best policy to speak the truth--unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.  - Jerome K. Jerome.

I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time. -Orson Welles.

It's the frriends you can call up at four a.m. that matter.  - Marlene Dietrich

The old ways are dead.  And you need people around you who concur.  That means hanging out more with the creative people, the freaks, the real visionaries, than you're already doing.  Thinking more about what their needs are, and responding accordingly.  Avoid the dullards; avoid the folk who play it safe.  They can't help you anymore.  Their stability model no longer offers that much stability.  They are extinct, they are extinction.  - Hugh Macleod

I tag: Everyone.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, August 24th, 2006

Subject:Please stop injecting FIRE INTO MY VEINS.
Time:12:18 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
I went in for my EEG today.  Man did that suck.  The IV hurt soooooo badly the entire time it was in my arm.  Then when they gave me the injection I could feel it go through the IV, through my skin, and into my veins.  :;shudder::  But no seizures so I guess I'm good?  Now I just have to wait for the results of my MRI from yesterday to see if the lesions on my gray matter are any bigger or not.

And because I'm bored, a-using-iTunes-to-answer-questions thingie!

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 10 people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
Tornado - Mindless Self Indulgence

How do your friends see you?
Who Killed the Cheerleader?  - Nekromantix

Will you get married?
The Shape of Things to Come - Powerman 5000

What is your best friend's theme song?
Talk-Action=Shit - Brian Jonestown Massacre

What is the story of your life?
Nothing Is Ever What it Seems - Midtown

What was is high school like?
Standard Break from Life - Alkaline Trio

How can you get ahead in life?
Take a Chance - Cheap Sex

What is the best thing about your friends?
Smells like Teen Spirit [remix] - Fatboy Slim

What is today going to be like?
Girl in a Cage - Horrorpops

What is in store for this weekend?
A Modern Way of Letting Go - Idlewild

What song describes you?
I was a Highschool Psychopath - Screeching Weasel

To describe your grandparents?
Prevent this Tragedy - Alkaline Trio

How is your life going?
I'm Ill - The Quakes

What song will they play at your funeral?
Kid - Bouncing Souls

How does the world see you?
Siempre - Burning Idols

Will you have a happy life?
She gets all the Girls - Groovie Ghoulies

What do your friends really think of you?
Nights of the Living Dead - Tilly and the Wall

Do people secretly lust after you?
Outside Kickass Violin Solo - Aphex Twin

How can I make myself happy?
Burn [Matt's home demo] - Alkaline Trio

Will you ever have children?
Superficial Love -TSOL

I tag- Anyone.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006

Subject:Jesus shit! And update.
Time:8:34 am.
Mood: aggravated.
Soooooo.  How's life?
Mine is rather bleh.
I had a dizzy spell that led up to a seizure last friday and then developed a terrible cold that is still progressively getting worse.  Oh how awesome.
School starts next monday.  Joy of joys.  Apparently during summer break one of the water manes burst, and one of the blocks that hold the support beams for the roof in place crashed into a hallway.  I just can't wait to go back there.  Constant danger of roof collapses, [[in the area where half the roof isn't actually missing]] finding aborted fetuses in supply closets [In a freaking peanut butter jar]], and a never ending problem with plumbing and heating gives school that element of surprise.  Because if you don't fear that it might physically kill you, there's just no point in attending.
I'm really not prepared to go back.  In addition to not having pants that are lacking holes [no holes are permitted in clothing no matter how small], or offensive writing, I can't kill this ball of dread in the pit of my stomach.  Woo, I get to waste the majority of the next eight months working my ass of for grades I truly don't care about, and being constantly surrounded by people who in all honesty will probably mean nothing after we graduate a develop actual lives.  Not to mention the petty bullshit drama, and self important airheads that just can't stop talking about how awesome they are.  I do enjoy the rumours about me though.  They amuse me to no end.  Last years were:  I was pregnant.  I had sex under the bleachers by the track.  I give blowjobs in the boys bathroom.  I'm schizophrenic.
One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong.

In other areas of life.  Sara and Ray agreed on a custody agreement for the chillunz.  Ray is still a complete dickhead, and to quote last night's episode of Weeds.  "No seriously, I fucking hate you and I hope you get hit by a truck."  I will hire one of you to kill him.  Fo'realz.

And I'm officially done with speaking to my father.  Yes I sound like a spoiled juvenile bitch, but I can't say ANYTHING without the man freaking out on me.  I think all his years of drug use are catching up to him because now he's getting beligerant and abusive without drinking.  He's slowly going insane like his father.  I'm next, wewt.  My brother is too well adjusted and too in denial to go insane, and my sister...well I just don't see it happening.  I think she's honestly trying to revert back to her teenage years.  She's wearing my band T-Shirts and borrowing my ripped up jeans that have writing all over them.  On that note, my jeans which have signature from people I haven't seen in ages were borrowed so she could go see Buckcherry last night.  The opening band, Black Stone Cherry, completely covered four of them because they felt obliged to sign my sisters ass.  You dickfucks, you can't be decent musicians, you're opening for godforsaken Buckcherry, therefore you're not important to even write on my jeans let alone cover up my friends signatures.  Please die a slow death in a fiery bus crash.  I hate you more than you can comprehend.

Seriously, my friends are important to me and three of those people I won't be seeing for months.  You and your shitty attempt at music mean nothing.  I don't care that you thought my sister was OMGHAWTIEANDIGET2TOUCHERASS! you're assholes.  In other news if my sister doesn't stop whoring it up she'll have a fourth child in time for my 18th birthday next year.  Seriously, if God gives you big tits I guess you're the designated mass procreators of the planet.  Because some of what resides in those overtly large tits is brain matter that you would otherwise use to know condoms are good. 

Also, if anyone has any website recomendations for the purchasing of hoodies I appreciate it.

Well this has been long enough.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

Time:6:39 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
i suppose it's time to update.  the caps lock and shift keys are still malfunctioning so bear with me.
friday i went to see mindless self indulgence with ryan and allison in jersey.  the concert was amazing.  it was the first time i had ever seen them live, and it blew me away.  single best show i have ever seen.  it was sad though because i was crushed under a bunch of people due to being short, and was knocked unconscious so i had to be pulled to the back.  but i put my glasses on and had an excellent view because a girl let me stand on the stairs next to her.  this radtastic human being came up to me, he saw i was kind of woozy from my head injury, so he stands in front of me, and all i really see is the outline of this kid, and a ton of glow sticks, he holds out his hand and i open mine and he gave me a really groovy piece of kandi.  so i found him later and gave him a huge hug and a piece of mine.  also some random stranger grabbed me and started making out with me, he jacked the gum i was chewing on too.  i would be all here are the awesome quotes...but no.  their live shows are hilarious and we can leave it at that.
sunday i went to my brother's house for dinner with sara, curt, and the children.  it was fun, dinner was delicious, although we watched some really bad movies.  liz commented on my brand new msi sweatshirt, apparently she saw them seven years ago in philly and had no idea they were still around.

and today would be taiiiwanfrozenfood's birthday, so everyone say happy birthday.

wow, my caps lock key needs to come back.  whenever i read what i've typed with no capitol letters it looks like a ten year old wrote it.

later chillenz
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006

Time:5:15 am.
Jesus CHRIST.  I hate animals.  I hear the door to my room open, but no footseps so I thought it was the wind or something.  I hear something in the corner of my room near my stereo so I thought it was someone coming up to turn the music down because they thought i was asleep.  i turn the light next to my bed on, look around, nothing, turn it off, lay down.  two seconds later the cat screeches in my ear, and then runs across me.  completely scratching up my chest, arm, and face.  stupid.  fucking.  animals.

forgive my lack of capitalization for the last bit, my caps lock key randomly decides to not function, and my shift key hasn't worked in days.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, July 9th, 2006

Subject:Mmm, compaining!
Time:10:54 pm.
Mood: angry.
My sister is driving me insane.  She moved in a few weeks ago with Lilly and Juliana.  Now I love those kids, but I am positively not their mother.  I'm the sister that knows that condoms were invented for a reason.  But who takes care of them the most?  Me.  I'm sick to death of constantly having to cancel on my friends, and NEVER being able to just have spontaneous things to do like I used to, all because my sister wants to go out and whore around in bars some more.  And then she comes home early in the morning, if we're lucky.  And sleeps all day.  Which leaves absolutely no time for me to sleep, or else her children would kill themselves.  No matter what she will not wake up.  I smack her, I scream at her, I pull her off the couch.  NOTHING.  Why?  Because she's addicted to hydrocodone.  And she takes more of it than she needs therefore she sleeps forever.  I can't really touch the drug addict issue, having been there.  But I'm a teenager, and no matter how messed up I was, I NEVER endangered someone elses life.  I didn't have children.  She fails to realize that they depend on her for almost everything.  Although not anymore.  Lilly has stopped calling me Samm and now addresses me as Mommy.  I always correct her, but still, how messed up is that?  Then my sister just helps herself to everything in my bedroom.  Anything that's expensive, or has a name brand on it, she steals.  She doesn't ask me for any of it, but I'll be missing it and she'll just randomly have it.  She's systematically stealing all of my band T-Shirts and hoodies.  And the shoes that were gifts from my brother are ruined, all the make up he paid for is stolen.  Oh, and my Chanel purse...that he paid for.  I think I'm just going to go through all of her belongings and whatever is mine, or if I just like it I'm going to take it. 

Then there's my father the druggie.  I've written numerous times about his asshole-ish-ness.  But now he's inflicting it in the kids.  He's always been the immature type.  If something frustrates him, he throws it, he yells incessantly, he hits, blahblahblah.  Well Lilly was hungry, Sara was asleep, so she was asking him to make her food, he got annoyed, threw a steak knife on the floor and stormed upstairs to his bedroom and slammed the door.  A FUCKING STEAK KNIFE ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR FIVE FEET FROM LILLY.  Yeah, becuase she would NEVER pick up a shiny fucking object!  What toddler does THAT?  Then he yells at her all the time for doing normal toddler things.  I swear to christ if I ever see him treating her like he treated Stephan, Sara, and I, I will kill him.  It really wouldn't bother me.

Then my mother the control freak.  GOD FORBID ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE BE ORGANIZED.  Christ almighty if it's easy to find something she will throw a fit.  Everything in HER house that SHE  does NOT pay for has to be exactly the way she wants it.  Which is messy, and disorganized, and disgusting as FUCK.  And she keeps it that way just for spite, just so she can prove that she's in charge.  I mean, if she did anything around the house I wouldn't care.  But she doesn't clean, she doesn't take care of the kids, she doesn't cook, she doesn't buy groceries.  What does she do?  Washes the dishes.  That is it, end of story, period.  And she complains about THAT.  "I can't believe I have to do this.  Why can't anyone take care of themselves?"  Take care of ourselves?  This is the woman that deemed five years old, the proper age to start being left home alone.  I've been treated as a tenant of this household as opposed to a child since I was ten.  But I don't really mind.  I'm fine with that.  It's just that she pulls out the "I'm the mother card" all the time when she was a mother solely in a biological sense.

And on top of all of this my family is broke as fuckkkkkkk. 

Well that's out of my system now.

I'm sick of being an adult.  I don't wanna!  I'm only sixteen.  They can't make me grow up.  I refuse.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

Subject:Ohhh I am bored.
Time:3:34 am.
Mood: cheerful.
Body: You Know You're From Pennsylvania When:

You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly." And New
Jersey has always been "Jersey."

You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA."

"You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women.

You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet?" (Didyoueatyet?)

You learned to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Duquesne, New Tripoli, Tunkhannock, Punxsutawney, Tamaqua, Susquehanna, Allegheny, and Monongahela.

You know what a "Mummer" is, and are disappointed if you can't catch at least highlights of the parade.

The first day of buck and the first day of doe season are school holidays.

You can use the phrase "fire hall wedding reception" and not even bat an eye.

You can't go to a wedding without hearing the "Chicken Dance," at least one Polka and either an Italian song (sung in Italian,) or "Hava Nagila."

At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know what a "Hex sign" is.

You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

You own only three condiments "A-1, Heinz 57 and Heinz ketchup".

Words like "hoagie", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" and "pocketbook" actually mean something to you.

You can eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same.

You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing.

One of the highlights of your life was a field trip to Penn's Cave and Horseshoe curve.

You know exactly what to do when your mother tells you to "red up" your room.

You know the time and location of every "wing night" in a 20 mile radius.

You don't think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny.

You don't understand all the hype about Rolling Rock beer; You've been drinking it for years even though Iron City is better.

You consider an exotic vacation to be a trip to Ocean City, Virginia Beach, or Myrtle Beach.

Words like "hoagie", "chipped ham", and "pop" actually mean something to you.

You think very little of an Amish buggy on the road.

You learned long ago how to "step carefully" around the buggy tie-ups in the supermarket parking lot.

You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal.

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are all PA towns.

There is no such thing as a "Philly Cheesesteak". It's just called a "Cheesesteak."

You know that Eucre is a card game and not a form of vomiting.

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, Blue, White, Brown, Gold.

You know what REAL potpie is.

You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.

Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."

You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer

You know that a green pepper is not a pepper at all but a "mango".

You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."

You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips, pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna.

You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."

You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth.

You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow."

You only buy your beer and soda by the case.

You think the roads in any other state are smooth.

You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've never attended Penn State, you are a most obnoxious Penn State fan.

Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.

You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.

You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.

School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.

You have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment. . . . "

Elect pro-life Democrats and pro-choice Republicans for Governor

Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"

Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."

You REALLY HATE antiquers. On Sunday mornings you would scream "Go back to Jersey!" at least once on the way to church.

When you were a kid and somebody really pissed you off, you said, "I'm gonna deck you!"

You know the expression, "Hey naw! Watchya dewin'?"

You know where to buy "Opera Fudge" and that it has absolutely no connection to the Opera.

The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been from New York or New Jersey.

You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case
you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the Phillies or the Orioles, but have always been a Penn State fan.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Pennsylvania.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006

Time:4:24 am.
Mood: awake.
Biological immortality is no longer in fashion.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, June 13th, 2006

Subject:If you've got a hump-back, just throw a little glitter on it.
Time:1:33 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Mmmmm. So.
I've been out of school for a week now.
It feels quite good.
I haven't done a TON, but enough to fend off the boredom. I went to a graduation party at Steph's house. I went to the Under 20 music festival, where I mostly walked around Annville with an EXPLOSION of people. I went to the Pride Parade/Festival in Philly with my brother. And yesterday I just randomly hung out with TaiiiwanFrozenFood and Adam.

The Pride Parade was grand. I loved it. It felt so nice to just be somewhere completely void of judgements or mockery. As someone who hasn't left the house without people snickering since I was ten, and my friends don't exactly completely support my lifestyle it was a new experience. There were a few Christian Protestors outside the gates of the festival, but you couldn't really see them through the mass of people surrounding them to shout over their bigotry. That, and there was a giant rainbow banner that read QUEERS BASH BACK. Ohh, I loved it.

That's about it in my life.

Later kids
Comments: Add Your Own.

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